We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
