i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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