I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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