I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
