I look better un-naked...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
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WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize