using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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