I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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