my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
