He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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