Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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