My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
