I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i've created a new STD.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
