He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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