I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
