I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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