I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
