i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
