I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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