i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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