what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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