drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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