I'm going to rape someone's good day.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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