Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
