is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
