Kiss
Puke
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
