All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
