is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
