the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
