That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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