shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!