The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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