It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
