as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
