Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
