my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I lost the right to judge tonight
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
