If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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