made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
