(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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