There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What a fucking waste of an outfit
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
