He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
