oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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