took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
