my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
