all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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