btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You can't motorboat a personality
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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