we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
