I'm gonna have a badass scar
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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