dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
