i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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