he wants to bone in the snuggie
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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