I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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