my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
