funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
