Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
