dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
