I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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