I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
