soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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