That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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