U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
