I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My day in three words: secret purse cake
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
