just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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