we have pet lesbian snakes
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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