I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
