weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
