everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
