Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
