she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.