I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I spit up blood this morning
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.