i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.