the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.