Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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