I'm jealous of your bromance
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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